what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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