im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
