nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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