break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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