I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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