You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
