I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
