dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
