i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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