You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
