I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
