You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize