Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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