I can tuck mytits in my pants
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
