My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We are all done wearing pants today
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize