yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
