i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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