there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
