I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
