White coat. Heels.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
