I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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