So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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