Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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