last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
