i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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