For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
