You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize