yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
