Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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