I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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