I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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