I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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