So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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