We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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