please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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