mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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