Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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