Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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