OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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