We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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