I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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