After last night, I could never be a politician.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
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