Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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