jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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