We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
