i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you inspire me to be a worse person
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
