Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
