My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize