is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
