i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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