I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
