turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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