So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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