I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
