his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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