3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My breasts were aching with rage.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
