i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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