remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
