ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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