ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
