sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
