he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
