You just made me feel so damn special
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So vagazzling was a success
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