I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
