You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
