Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just want nice things and good sex
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
