No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
