Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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