My room smells like vodka and shame
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
