i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think my moral compass just broke
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
