Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
