Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
