My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
