South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
