My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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