im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
