I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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