you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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