ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
