i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
two words: eviction party
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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